Friday, June 29, 2012
SPECIAL
A couple of years ago, a construction worker came to our school to fix the wall that one of our students with autism, kicked a hole in. The hallway was demolished; it had been a rough day. After I walked the rest of kids through the hallway to get on their buses the construction worker stopped me. He asked, "All those kids coming through are special, right". I didn't know how to answer correctly, and like I said, it had been a rough day. So I just nodded. He said, "O, well then... I guess that means that well... you're quite special too". I told him it was so very nice of him to say.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Wedding Vows
From “The Oyster Bed,” Gift from the Sea, by Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Love does not consist of gazing at each other (one perfect sunrise gazing at another) but in looking outward together in the same direction. For, in fact man and woman are not only looking outward in the same direction; they are working outward. Here one forms ties, roots, a firm base. Here one makes oneself part of the community of men, of human society. And here the bonds of marriage are formed. For marriage, which is always spoken of as a bond, becomes actually, in this stage, many bonds, many strands, of different texture and strength, making up a web that is taut and firm. The web is fashioned of love. Yes, many kinds of love: romantic love first, then a slow growing devotion and playing these through, a constantly rippling companionship. It is made of loyalties, and interdependencies, and shared experiences. It is woven of memories of meetings and conflicts; of triumphs and disappointments. It is a web of communication, a common language, and the acceptance of lack of language, too; a knowledge of likes and dislikes, of habits and reactions, both physical and mental. It is a web of instincts and intuitions, and known and unknown exchanges. The web of marriage is made by propinquity, in the day to day living side by side, looking outward and working outward in the same direction. It is woven in space and in time of the substance of life itself.
"On Marriage"
from The Prophet by Kahil Gibran
You were born to be together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in your silent memory.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not bondage of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup.
Give one other of your bread, but eat not of the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone, though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping,
For only the hand of life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together,
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
You were born to be together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in your silent memory.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not bondage of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup.
Give one other of your bread, but eat not of the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone, though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping,
For only the hand of life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together,
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
PreSchool
After I got my Bachelors degree in 2007, I decided to stop pursuing my credential in English Education and get a credential in Early Childhood Special Education. Then, I had to mourn my dream of sitting in a stuffy classroom and teaching too cool high school students to fall in love with what I love: books, writing and poetry. I had to convince myself I wanted to teach PreSchool. So I wrote about it:
"I have decided I do not want to teach English. Dichotomy; but it is not creative enough. I want to teach PreSchool to children with special needs. I want to play music and bang on pots. I want to freeze paint in ice cube trays and then paint with it in the sun. I want to buy sensory toys at Lakeshore for Autistic PreSchoolers. I want to explore art therapy. I want to change their lives. And, I hope I don't hate it when I start.."
Because I live in California, there are no current job opportunities for me. I have a credential, and a master's degree and I am a teachers' assistant. No complaints, I have a job, get a paycheck, but the classroom is not mine. I have no real say. While I do my best everyday, it is not my dream, it's someone else's. I assist so I can't always create or dictate the mood in the classroom.
Reading what I wrote in 2007, makes me realize without a doubt my goal is to have my own classroom. So I try to remain hopeful for the future, thankful for what I do have, to sit tight and to paint in the sun this summer.
"I have decided I do not want to teach English. Dichotomy; but it is not creative enough. I want to teach PreSchool to children with special needs. I want to play music and bang on pots. I want to freeze paint in ice cube trays and then paint with it in the sun. I want to buy sensory toys at Lakeshore for Autistic PreSchoolers. I want to explore art therapy. I want to change their lives. And, I hope I don't hate it when I start.."
Because I live in California, there are no current job opportunities for me. I have a credential, and a master's degree and I am a teachers' assistant. No complaints, I have a job, get a paycheck, but the classroom is not mine. I have no real say. While I do my best everyday, it is not my dream, it's someone else's. I assist so I can't always create or dictate the mood in the classroom.
Reading what I wrote in 2007, makes me realize without a doubt my goal is to have my own classroom. So I try to remain hopeful for the future, thankful for what I do have, to sit tight and to paint in the sun this summer.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Barns and Pinterest
The first day back at work, after getting engaged, a coworker introduced me to Pinterest. I am now addicted to PINTEREST. It is so helpful for me to gain inspiration for the wedding planning.
Trevor and I were hoping to be able to get married or have our reception in a Barn. He grew up in Ohio, I grew up in L.A. And we currently live in Los Angeles. In southern California, there are not many Barns at our immediate disposal. We wanted to be married in town where his family from Ohio wouldn't have to drive an inordinate amount after flying for 6 hours. We considered a destination wedding, but quickly decided to stay local. I had a vision of us being married in a barn, and Trev ran with the idea. He was hooked. He wanted a barn. And he had specific barn requests, he wanted the barn to be a barn in use; one that we would kindly ask the barn owner/farmer if we could borrow his barn for the weekend. We wanted a place that no one had ever got married at. Trevor imagined we'd explore our southern california countryside and we'd find that barn. Perhaps the farmer's wife would offer to bake us a pecan pie for our big day.
We did our research and discovered some that were fairly local. But we never found the farmer's barn. Trev was not too impressed with what we did find. We both wanted a location for our wedding that was organic, earthy, and warm. He claimed these barns were too manufactured, too forced; because there were speakers (for the wedding toasts) but no cows, no sheep. There were big screen T.V's (for the wedding slideshows) but no pitchforks. These barns had websites you could look up. There was a docent who gave us a tour of the property, there was no farmer in sight. We had an initial vision for what we wanted our wedding to be and along the way our vision changed to something more realistic for us. In the end of our quest for the perfect barn to be wed in, we settled for a large spread of grass, surrounded by trees, that overlooks a man made lake. There have been many weddings here and there is no barn on the property, no cows, no sheep. There will be a cocktail hour and not a fiddling contest. I will wear heels and not cowboy boots. Our guests will sit on chairs (provided by the venue) and not on logs. It's funny because we are content with our decision, we both agreed that this vibe suits us just as well. In a way,"The moon is brighter since the barn burned."Matsu Basho.
A part of me knows that a few months ago we truly believed that we wouldn't settle for anything but that big, quaintly lit barn filled with our friends, family, mason jars, lace and burlap. But things change and we have the rest of our lives to find that perfect barn. Our wedding, wherever it is, will be filled with love, our friends, family, (and a lot of lace if I have my way). I retired the inspirations for my barn wedding on Pinterest, to make it official. Here is the link to follow the planning: http://pinterest.com/gidgettikker/
Trevor and I were hoping to be able to get married or have our reception in a Barn. He grew up in Ohio, I grew up in L.A. And we currently live in Los Angeles. In southern California, there are not many Barns at our immediate disposal. We wanted to be married in town where his family from Ohio wouldn't have to drive an inordinate amount after flying for 6 hours. We considered a destination wedding, but quickly decided to stay local. I had a vision of us being married in a barn, and Trev ran with the idea. He was hooked. He wanted a barn. And he had specific barn requests, he wanted the barn to be a barn in use; one that we would kindly ask the barn owner/farmer if we could borrow his barn for the weekend. We wanted a place that no one had ever got married at. Trevor imagined we'd explore our southern california countryside and we'd find that barn. Perhaps the farmer's wife would offer to bake us a pecan pie for our big day.
We did our research and discovered some that were fairly local. But we never found the farmer's barn. Trev was not too impressed with what we did find. We both wanted a location for our wedding that was organic, earthy, and warm. He claimed these barns were too manufactured, too forced; because there were speakers (for the wedding toasts) but no cows, no sheep. There were big screen T.V's (for the wedding slideshows) but no pitchforks. These barns had websites you could look up. There was a docent who gave us a tour of the property, there was no farmer in sight. We had an initial vision for what we wanted our wedding to be and along the way our vision changed to something more realistic for us. In the end of our quest for the perfect barn to be wed in, we settled for a large spread of grass, surrounded by trees, that overlooks a man made lake. There have been many weddings here and there is no barn on the property, no cows, no sheep. There will be a cocktail hour and not a fiddling contest. I will wear heels and not cowboy boots. Our guests will sit on chairs (provided by the venue) and not on logs. It's funny because we are content with our decision, we both agreed that this vibe suits us just as well. In a way,"The moon is brighter since the barn burned."Matsu Basho.
A part of me knows that a few months ago we truly believed that we wouldn't settle for anything but that big, quaintly lit barn filled with our friends, family, mason jars, lace and burlap. But things change and we have the rest of our lives to find that perfect barn. Our wedding, wherever it is, will be filled with love, our friends, family, (and a lot of lace if I have my way). I retired the inspirations for my barn wedding on Pinterest, to make it official. Here is the link to follow the planning: http://pinterest.com/gidgettikker/
dreaming
I am newly engaged. As of February 2012. And I am having a difficult time making the right choices to design my ideal wedding. I've been given the advice "do what you love, do what you want, it's your day". People ask "well, how have you always imagined it". The truth is, I have never let myself. Of course, I've imagined my life with Trevor, even our marriage but never the wedding. Six years ago in the beginning of our relationship, he told me he never wanted to get married. So, I never allowed myself to dream of what I'd want it to be. I knew I couldn't stay with him without a commitment. So instead of planning my fantasy wedding, I spent time having nightmares of saying goodbye to him and his family, who I have also fallen in love with. But now, the best part of all of this is being able to plan a wedding with my family, with his family and with the man who never wanted to get married.
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